The Ant Farm

After the discussion we had in class about nature, I started to feel very, very small. As i mentioned in class, the reason why i think that a natural disaster is a spiritiual phenoma because it's something, that we as humans, have no control over. After i stated that, the group got into the discussion that people use religion as a way of control, a way to put reasoning into their lives. I highly believe in this statement, hence why I don't believe in the idea of religion. When i think of religion, not only do i think its a way of people controlling their own lives, but also a way for government to have control over their lives also. Religion has always been used throughout history, such as in old times where people believed in the church, and the church exploited them by taking their money, or telling them what's right from wrong. People should be able to know what's right from wrong, and not to even know but to have a right to decide what's right from wrong.
Everyone has their own morals or ideals, So why should we try and fit into this one criteria where we all have to follow the ideals of people who were alive thousands of years ago? I believe as time progresses the ideals and morals of others change. The accepted idea of things in society will always change. Take into example now, the battle over the right for Gay marriage. We have this battle because their are the people now who have moved on from the standards of the past of just a man and women, and the people who can't open their minds and see the world is changing. I know there are many people who don't believe in this, but then comes the point where i said before we all have our own take on life. I just believe that people should try to not be so strict when it comes to these issues, because you have to remember that they're believing in some one who turned water into wine, and rose from the dead... sorry, I just cant seem to put my whole life around a fancy magic trick.

The Neglectant blogger

Ok, so first things first, I am the worst blogger in the world considering i cant even keep up once a week =p . Anyways how about an update boys and girls? Well living at home has been unbearable lately, now i'd actually rather be at school or work. Going home is like a chore or a thing where i have to bite my tongue and take it all in. Lately my parents have been blaming everything that is going wrong in their lives on me, as if i dont have enough things in my life to feel guilty for... I'm just really tired of feeling like the bad guy, I'm tired of "not being able to do anything right" as my parents would say. I just dont understand, I'm going to school, working, paying whatever bills they ask me to pay, What more could they want from me? Lately, the only thing thats been running through my mind is 'HOW DO I GET OUT ASAP?"

But i actually dont want to think this way. Me and my dad used to have such a strong bond and my mom and I were so-so. Now things have completely switched. My father and I can NEVER have a normal conversation, it's either him telling me what I'm doing wrong, What i should be doing and how I'm the one tearing this family apart.... in all honesty I dont see how I am capable of this. And now my mother and i are like BFF's, what the hell? I used to dread even talking to my mother, and now she seems to be the only one in my family that i can turn to lately, everyone else seems to have this never-ending disappointment with me. I'd understand if I were intentoinally being a jerk, reckless, or careless.... But i honestly don't know what it is that I'm doing that could possibly have such an effect on my family that they have to have this "Tired of your shit" attitude with me.... I really mean no harm, lately all i've been wanting to make my life perfect is just to have peace with parents..... I guess you just cant have everything... That was nice to get off my chest. =[

Memento Mori

Wow, it feels like i haven't posted in forever, which is kind of true, so forgive me =p But anyways, lots of new things in my life. I got a tattoo!! haha its pretty small but its my first and it has a lot of meaning to me, so i figured I would explain it here. Its on the back of my neck and it is the Latin phrase 'Memento Mori'. The true translation is 'Remember that you will die' or 'Remember you're not invincible'. But the tattoo also has several meanings to me. I decided to get this tattoo after my friend Pam passed away (RIP). After she passed, all i could think about is how unappreciative and selfish I've been when it comes to life. She was a good person, always happy and glowing, she was some one that never deserved to leave this world so quickly. I realized how precious life is, you cant take it likely, and thinking of suicide is just pointless, because she was some one whose life was taken from her. We all deserve a chance at life and making what we can of it. So now whenever I look at my tattoo, it reminds me to live life, for anyday may be my last. Life can be taken away in an instant whether you like it or not. Aside from that the tattoo can also be taken in another sense when you think of humanity. Remembering that you arent invincible.. that you are mortal, it makes us all equal. You realize we all have the same fate, the same ending, which brings us together because we all have the same purpose. And me, being some one with no religion preferrence, this holds a lot of meaning to me because sometimes i feel like thats the only way I can relate to some one who does. Because when you really think about, no one really knows what comes after death, but we are all certain that we will die, and we all hold the same mystery. There are many ways that the tattoo can be taken but in my case its just a reminder that life is too short to feel sorry for yourself, that I need to go out and make something of myself and be the best 'Charlene' I can be.

I'm tripping on all the time, I'm tripping on high seas.

I am so frustrated. I am trying so hard with this whole new 'college experience' but all i keep getting is negatives in return. I am always trying to do my homework and get everything done, but i feel like i never have the time or when i need help, theres no one there who can. My friend plans on dropping out this week because he was going through the same troubles as me, and plans on going on a road trip for the next 2 months. I WISH I could do the same, i have the money and they time, so why cant I? oh yeah, thats right i've got some one else paying for my education and just started this new job. For a life thats supposed to be in the fast lane and exciting, i feel like i have many restrictions now when it comes to living it. I feel like i need to more time, more space, to breath and actually be able to step back and look at my life and see where it needs to be. I feel like i really have all of my priorities wrong and have been ignoring/neglecting the people who really help me get by everyday. I dont know, its just been sitting in the back of my mind lately. well, here comes another weekend, i vow to do better in school starting monday!!

Live Fast. Die Pretty.

I finally sat back yesterday in my computer chair and realized i havent sat there in weeks. With this new life, I'm always either at school, work, or with friends. I havent been by myself in what feels like a long time. It was only till recently that i had all of this freedom from my parents and their strict rules, so what I'm wondering is now that I'm the most exhausted I've ever been in my life, is this what i really wanted? Am i getting what i wished for? i could be noble and say that i ate with my eyes and that what I wanted is way too overrrated. But i wont, I've wanted to be free like my fellow peers for so long I'm soaking in all i can of this life i have now. Me being tired is just a sign that I'm living life to the fullest, I am working hard and partying hard. i can admit that this point in my life is the happiest I've ever been and i wouldnt change it for the world.

Creeping in the Kitchen.

For my first blog I figured I would just introduce myself and pretty much let out everything that I am about. My name is Charlene and I am an out-going, outspoken 18 year old woman, without a care in the world. I have just started college and my first job, and my current goal is just to completely better myself, and learn more and more each day. over the past few years through highschool I have learned that a lot people come and go through your life. So my view on any kind of relationship, whether it be parent, friend, or lover is to learn from your experiences with them even if its good or bad, you should still try to see the silver lining and see what it is you can learn from it. I believe that every person you meet your life is just another path that you choose to pursue or not. Through people you learn about trust and loyalty but you also learn about betrayal and manipulation, but at the same time you have to give out the same energy you wish to recieve. As you go on in life you see that not everyone is there to help you, there are those who wish to see you fall. You have to learn to be careful, to not be naive and believe everything that is fed to you. l dont like to live by other peoples ideas or words, but if i had to choose something to live by that completely describes how i feel about the world, it would have to be Shakespeare's "Love all, Trust Few, Do wrong to none".